the little differences

phase two ..... hold the speeches , call off all the advice , Ive heard it a million time "children develop at their own pace" this may be true but mommies trust your judgement . Oliver has been displaying signs of savatism for some time now , and recently stopped speaking . i was told its all the change don't worry its perfectly normal . i just didn't buy it. so after tons of research and observation i made the appointment that no parent wants the make , the one where you tell the doctor that something is off about your child . he is able to copy every audio pattern he hears , and obsessively drums melodies that he hears . his pattern recognition in general is bizarre for an 18 month old . and he stopped speaking , which is a huge deal , lose of a skill is monumentally bad. i tell all this to his doctor who then does a few test and comes back to me with information i wasn't at all surprised to hear , although i was hoping for a different opinion . pervasive developmental disorder otherwise known as aspergers or savant syndrome . FUCK........ what now , what next , how did this happen , what did i do wrong , how do we fix it , who's gonna help me , talk about your mind being flooded with information . the doctor then informed me about the testing that we would be doing over then next 4 months and that this isn't a diagnosis that he could still be "normal" what an ugly ugly word that is now. she reminded me that at the end of the day he is still the same child and that his problem is that hes brilliant and needs help molding his special talents so that he can function in society ..... so that's what I'm gonna keep telling myself ...... but hey universe if your listening to my silly unimportant bitching ...... Ive had about all i can handle this month .....xoxox kat